Abuse Survivor Speaking Out

We found this at Tailored Life Coaching, the link to her post is:  http://tailoredlifecoaching.blogspot.com/2010/06/survivor-story-survivor-and-kids-still.html

This story was emailed to me to post here to help raise awareness to the issues that victims of domestic violence face.

THIS IS MY STORY...
ON DECEMBER 27, 2007 MY EX CAME HOME AROUND 6 AM DRUNK.  HE ACCUSED ME OF HAVING SOMEONE IN HIS HOUSE THAT DID NOT BELONG.  AT THAT POINT

Help Save Kids form Court Ordered Abuse

Petition to Reunite Lora Brislin with her two daughters Megan and Elizabeth: We, the undersigned, are standing together in an attempt to speak for these little ones who are not allowed to speak for themselves and, in order to prevent further destruction in their lives, we are asking that this case be revisited and that The Truth finally be brought into The Light so that justice can prevail: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/reunite-lora-brislin-two-daughters
Take Action and Sign Now!

Here is their story:

http://parentingabusedkids.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/petition-save-sisters-from-court-ordered-abuse/

Lora Brislin is the mother

Abusers Use the Court System to Continue Victimization

This is a copy of the speech written by Gail Lakritz and given today by Angela Warren at the Pueblo Colorado Conference. This speech was given to judges, police, lawyers and DV advocates.
How Abusers Use The Court System To Continue to Victimize Their Partners and Children
When a woman finally makes that decision to end the abuse and to flee the abusive situation, she rightfully expects that the police, her lawyers and the courts will protect her and her children from further harm. Being a member of the Sheriff's Posse, that is what I was thought. After all, the courts always operate solely by the law, correct? (Scan audience for nods of agreement) We all know that does not happen and that is why I was so confused by my litigation. When injustice reared its ugly head, it flew in the face of everything I thought our country stood for, and, as with most victims of abuse, I came to realize that the system is stacked against the victim.
Today, I want

How does DV effect children

I have submitted an article to Anonymiss for the Nov. 09 edition of their blog carnival.  They asked me to post this on my blog so that others would know about this edition in time to send in an article.

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children

Posted October 8, 2009

The Domestic Violence Blog Carnival that we set up is now accepting article submissions for the edition that will be posted on November 2nd 2009.

This editions theme is The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children.  To submit an article please visit the submission page:  http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_8381.html.  The November edition will be hosted here at Anonymiss.

To view last months edition please visit the UAADV News Blog Domestic Violence Blog Carnival October 2009

If you have a suggestion for an upcoming theme or would like to host the blog carnival for an upcoming month, please send an email to: contactanonymiss@gmail.com with your suggestoins.

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children - anonymiss

Effects of abuse on the Children

After a conversation I had the other day with a friend I decided to look more into the different effects that Domestic Violence has on children.   There is no doubt in my mind that it harms them in various ways.  We were just discussing the different ways that is does.

We were also discussing the fact that there is a tendency to compartmentalize the issues.  Many people, including some advocates, try to keep Domestic Violence as an adult issue.  However, I feel that it affects the children as well, and can not be just an adult issue to deal with.  All aspects have to be looked at and considered.

I wanted to come up with a comprehensive list of the differing effects and in my search to do so I found a fairly decent list, so decided to just give that list rather than trying to create another.

I found this list at:  Women’s Rural Advocacy Programs

• Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may "indirectly" receive injuries. They may be hurt when household items are thrown or weapons are used. Infants may be injured if being held by the mother when the batterer strikes out.
• Older children may be hurt while trying to protect their mother.
• Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may experience cognitive or language problems, developmental delay, stress-related physical ailments (such as headaches, ulcers, and rashes), and hearing and speech problems.
• Many children in homes where domestic violence occurs have difficulties in school, including problems with concentration, poor academic performance, difficulty with peer interactions, and more absences from school.
• Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. There is no evidence, however, that girls who witness their mothers' abuse have a higher risk of being battered as adults.
• Taking responsibility for the abuse.
• Constant anxiety (that another beating will occur) and stress-related disorders.
• Guilt for not being able to stop the abuse or for loving the abuser.
• Fear of abandonment.
• Social isolation and difficulty interacting with peers and adults.
• Low self-esteem.
• Younger children do not understand the meaning of the abuse they observe and tend to believe that they “must have done something wrong.” Self-blame can precipitate feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety.
• Children may become withdrawn, non-verbal, and exhibit regressed behaviors such as clinging and whining. Eating and sleeping difficulty, concentration problems, generalized anxiety, and physical complaints (such as headaches) are all common.
• Unlike younger children, the pre-adolescent child typically has greater ability to externalize negative emotions. In addition to symptoms commonly seen with childhood anxiety (such as sleep problems, eating disturbance, nightmares), victims in this age group may show a loss of interest in social activities, low self-concept, withdrawal or avoidance of peer relations, rebelliousness and oppositional-defiant behavior in the school setting. It is also common to observe temper tantrums, irritability, frequent fighting at school or between siblings, lashing out at objects, treating pets cruelly or abusively, threatening of peers or siblings with violence, and attempts to gain attention through hitting, kicking, or choking peers and/or family members. Girls are more likely to exhibit withdrawal and run the risk of being “missed” as a child in need of support.
• Adolescents are at risk of academic failure, school drop-out, delinquency, substance abuse, and difficulties in their own relationships.

This whole discussion came about because I saw that the Domestic Violence Blog Carnival started by Anonymiss is discussing this as the theme for the November Edition of the Carnival.